So Keano has done it and become a Bhoy. Over the past few years, I’ve had numerous supporters of English Premiership teams come up and tell me he would use his final years to play for the hoops - the basis for it being an off the cuff comment he made 6 years ago. My reaction was always the same – we are not a club for someone to retire to. As late as Monday of this week I was discussing with another Celt – “He needn’t think that he can spend a year with us after going to Real Madrid. Sure he’d be 36 then and surely taking the mick!” (That's not a reference to McCarthy by the way).

“If he’s a true fan, he can come now.” I repeated ad nauseum, every time Keane and Celtic were mentioned in the same sentence. As much as I said this though, I think deep down I always thought he would sign for us as soon as he left Man U, and I’m not at all displeased (read ecstatic) that he has finally come now.

The question on everyones lips however is -  What are we getting? We all know he's got a bit of baggage. Is he someone who will cause trouble in the dressing room, pick fights, upset our current winning ways and dish the dirt to Margot on Celtic TV as to how Alan Thompson is not focused and picks his nose and farts? Or is he someone who can give us that extra edge, improve our current players and squad, instill a winning mentality and ultimately become contenders for the Champions league. As with most things, there probably an element of both - fingers crossed it’s the latter. As much as I would like to know about Thommos hygiene habits, it will do until after we are European Champions again.

So what’s his background? For those of you like me, who don’t have more than a passing interest in what goes on outside of Celtic Park and who intentionally ignore what goes on in Sasanach circles, I did some research.

One quick google search later, and I elicited the following brief information about his club career so far. I was going to include his international career also, but it would take me a few weeks, so thought better of it.

• Started playing for Rockmount in Cork (Cork, good Celtic breeding ground - ok so far).
• Move to Cobh Ramblers (used to be a hockey club until the British withdrawal from Ireland you know…)
• Moved to Nottingham Forest (yawn)
• Moved to Man United (a team who won the European cup a year after Celtic)
• Became Man U captain in 1997 after previous captain left (somebody called Eric).
• Cruciate Injury caused by a Norwegian bloke in the 97/98 season.
• 1999 – Won treble, including Champions League (The renamed European Cup - are you keeping up?)
• 2001 – Sent off for a foul which injured same Norweigan bloke. Subsequently admitted this was intentional.
• Various trophy hauls between 2001-2005 (more English cups, haven’t looked into these..)
• Played for Manu in a Rangers game in the Champions League.
• Attended UEFA Cup final supporting Celtic in Seville
• Had a few fights with Arsenal players in a tunnel (downloaded and watched this bit!)
• Left Man U after a fall out with ex-Rangers player Alex Ferguson about a horse.

Being a betting man myself, the best way for me to decide how effective he will be for the hoops, is to look at the previous form book and, failing that, invent the rest myself. So brace yourself. Head down to the bookies and get the bets on. Get Eamonn Dunphy’s publisher on the blower. This is a sneak preview into Keanos first 6 months with Celtic :

December 2005 / January 2006

Having been told by the SPL that he cannot play in the Hearts game on New Years day, Roy hires top sports lawyer Micheal O’Cellaigh who uncovers an ancient Scottish law which forces any three letter acronym (TLA) organisation to open on New Years Day. Roy and dog Sheba arrive at Hampden Park at 9am on 1st January amid press hysteria. Roy changes into the hoops in the jeep and drives to Tynecastle, where he is on the bench. Strachan puts him on at half time, replacing Aidan McGeady who has already scored a hat trick despite a bad dose of the runs. Roy scores 2 goals in a 5-1 victory for Celtic.

February 2006

Intially appearing a a substitute, Roy becomes a permanent fixture, playing in front of the back 3 and appears to fit well into a team which also accommodates Neil Lennon. In his first old firm game, with the scoreline at 7-0 to Celtic in injury time, Roy scores an own goal after lunging at the ball after a Rangers corner. Later he admits this was intentional. Roy gets red-carded at full time for an altercation with Barry Ferguson, after Barry asks Roy to sign his inner thigh and Roy refuses.

March 2006

Celtic play Livingston in the League cup final which Celtic win 2-1 after extra time. Roy’s family are in the front row to watch him lift his first piece of Celtic silverware. Disaster almost strikes when Roys dog Sheba, on the pitch for the post match celebrations, attempts to savage Hoopy the Celtic mascot. The crowd’s shock turns to laughter however, when Hoopy’s synthetic head comes off to reveal Liam Miller, who had been trying to get close to Roy to learn from him, and to further his career.

April 2006

Roys wish to play Rangers at Celtic Park this season is a success as Rangers draw 0-0 with Kilmarnock in the last pre-split game of the season to make it into the top 6. Celtic are 13 points clear of Hibs and Hearts, top of the SPL. Celtic win 1-0, though Roy pulls a hamstring, leaving himself a doubt for the Scottish Cup semi-final against Buckie Thistle, victors over Rangers earlier that week. Celtic crush Buckie Thistle at home 4-0 with a reserve team.

May 2006

Shunsuke Nakamura has picked up a strain of chicken flu when travelling home for a visit which has spread through the squad. Roy has recovered from his hamstring pull and himself and Neil Lennon are the only recognised midfielders in the squad to face Hearts in the Scottish Cup Final. Celtic win 3-1. Roy and Neil enjoy smoking and passing imaginary cigars to each other until every fan leaves the ground.

Roy Keane – The Celtic Years
In the shops 2009 (After the dust settles)